Body count. We all have one (I hope), but not all of us are proud of our list. I sure am not. As I wrote down my list, I realized how many of my encounters with these guys…
- Were very sexually unfulfilling
- Were with guys who wouldn’t even acknowledge me publicly after the matter
- Were in a moment of weakness where I let my need for physical attention get the best of me
And last but CERTAINLY not least:
- Occurred late at night, were facilitated by alcohol, and with boys whom I would never soberly hookup with.
Let’s be real, being sexually unfulfilled is inevitable 80% of the time (unless you are in a relationship where your partner hopefully knows your body), regardless of the circumstances, and that point speaks for itself. Going home with the guy who was giving you negligible-yet-relevant attention prior to the bars closing is normalized in college, and it shouldn’t be. I don’t fault myself for walking into a bar with the intentions of grabbing an attractive male’s attention, because that is what young twentysomethings are hardwired to do. However, since I am now “dating” as opposed to 2 am hookups that lasted for probably 8 minutes, I intend to be more picky about who I hop into a one-pillowed bed with, and will be re-adding up my body count.
As I look at the list, I immediately cross off those names of guys who I forgot I had sex with. It happens that all of these occurred while aggressively inebriated. Oops! Next, I cross off the guys who I would never have considered hooking up with had I been sober. Well, there goes at least a third of them. Already I feel “better” about my body count number; however, I think we, sexually active young women, need to be less hard on ourselves for taking advantage of situations that may seem right at the time. Yes, we all have the hookups which we regret the next morning, and the ones that we are already stalking the guy’s dad on LinkedIn the next day, planning the wedding, but at its core, having sex is THE one activity which we are all expected to do. Of course, I mean that in the most animalistic sense, but it is still an act that our bodies are made for, so why would we belittle ourselves for taking part in what we are physically created to do?
We need to be safe about our hookups (aka use protection and get regularly STD checked if you have been with multiple partners, which is not always an easy feat), but what difference does an extra name on our “list” make? Most of the guys on mine happened less than two times each, so why would having sex once in a month with a rando make me feel worse about myself than having sex 10 times in a month, but with the same person? Not to be graphic, but in terms of the P entering the V, I am more #wholesome by having sex less frequently but with more partners. I should note that I am not condoning frivolously sleeping around, but I really don’t see why girls having sex with multiple people is so frowned upon in society. If anything, men should appreciate what more experienced girls like ourselves could do with them, let’s be real. If you want your needs met, you do you girl, but just make sure you are in the proper headspace to make these decisions, and that you won’t be disappointed if this guy doesn’t text you the next day (because he won’t nine times out of ten).
Now, as I have surpassed the time in my life where I black out in a dingy college bar, and go home with someone whom I never had an in-depth convo with (now I just brown out after a day of brewery hopping), I feel that I can re-establish my body count. And by that, I mean stop counting. Now, anyone I sleep with, I know will result after at least two dates in which we actually hold conversations. I may be speaking prematurely, but I feel that I have a better grasp on what I want now (ultimately a consistent hookup whom I can cuddle with and drink with and do daytime activities with, but without the commitment of texting all the time…shoot is that a bf??), and if I have to sleep with several guys until I find that, then so be it. (Side note – I have only slept with one Hinge guy on the 3rd date and he lasted 10 seconds so now I am scarred).