Getting ghosted and being ghosted are both double edged-swords. Before I get ahead of myself, I must note that I am looking at this from the perspective of being ghosted/getting ghosted after a few dates or even prior to meeting the guy in person. I am not referring to having a few back-and-forth messages with a guy on Bumble that spark about the same excitement as watching paint dry; this inevitably results in a lack of response and frankly, my attention. Fortunately, I have never suffered from being ghosted after weeks of dating, and I would like to think that I would have the decency to send a text to someone who I had got on 3+ dates with. However, that is easier said than done.
Ghosting can be great, when it is mutual. For instance, we have all been on those first dates where the lack of chemistry is so evident that after the awkward but necessary goodbye hug, there is not one single attempt at follow-up communication from either parties. Love that, because then no one’s feelings are hurt and no one is left wondering “what could have been.” The answer to that is so clearly, “nothing.”
I really only have one instance of “ghosting” someone (in accordance to my definition of it), and that whole situation only unfolded because some other guy was texting me all week, agreed to plans with me, then ghosted me the day of our date! Rude! Naturally, being the type of person to make coveted reservations weeks in advance (I had a detailed scheme where I would say my friend cancelled on me and then would ask a guy to essentially be her replacement), I had to find someone else to join me on the rezzy, so I wouldn’t be charged by the restaurant. So, I went to my roster, copied and pasted the same message to 5 guys until I had a bite. To my dismay, this was more difficult than I thought it would be. One guy had just got tested for the ‘Rona and felt he had the civic duty to distance himself until he had his results (very responsible), another was having friends over (valid excuse), two didn’t respond in the very short window of time I deemed acceptable, and one accepted the invite a little TOO alacritously.
I should have immediately realized that it would be a red flag for someone to agree to a plan a mere 2 hours before the reservation. Like did he have nothing else going on so they were eager to do anything? I later found out yes. But anyways, considering it was only a Wednesday night, I let this slide. Not everyone is like me, stacking up their Wednesday nights with dates or friend happy hours and is straight chugging down that much needed pre-date craft-spiked seltzer in prep for the first date the second the clock strikes 5pm. Another thing that I should have seen as another red flag came prior to even asking him out – I was never even interested in our preceding Bumble convos! He seemed like a try-hard with a profile too curated for a male. We all know the ones. About an hour before my reservation, he told me that his hair in his profile was shorter than it is now. Oh boy, here we go! If there is one thing I find objectively unattractive it is long hair on boys who’s #vibe simply can’t pull it off.
Honestly as I’m recounting my two encounters with this guy, I am realizing how unexciting I found him which is why I can’t finish the story. Literally nothing at all was wrong with him. In fact, he was very ambitious, cute enough, and def took interest in me. However, I was not attracted to him and the banter was not there. It’s sad, because he certainly was relishing in my presence (hence how it was me that ended up ghosting him), but I frankly saw 0 chemistry, which is why writing about him is making me antsy bc I am BOREDDDDDDDDD.
Not to be rude, but he was new to Denver, and I am keenly perceptive, so it was no secret that he wanted to be mooching off my life here. There are few things less attractive than a needy guy who overstays his welcome and asks almost too many questions of me. Conversations should result naturally, and if anything past the first date still feels “interview-y”, RUN SIS!!! THE CHEMISTRY AIN’T THERE. On the bright side, I was a good girl, and never did anything with him, which is a SIGN that I merely was not into it, because we ALL know what would have happened after two dates if I were (unfortunate but true and something I am working on). Especially considering that I had been sipping on the bevvys and was tipsy, yet conscientious enough to know that I needed to give signals that he should leave. Tip: pretending to fall asleep watching New Girl, while making a concerted effort not to make any physical contact is always an effective move. That said, I was flabbergasted when this guy had the AUDACITY to triple text me (two hours apart each); one of which saying he should have stayed over and helped me with the dog I was dog-sitting!! I think not!! It is absurd to me how unperceptive some of the male species is. Bye boi.
Anyways, I have already been on three wonderful dates (with the same guy – shocking I know) post-Desperate Dale over here. Wish me luck in my endeavors! And remember – ALWAYS ghost if you have zero urge to even kiss the guy after date two!! When this is the case, this guy clearly isn’t physically there (which he probably knows), so you can spare him the blow of texting, “Hey you’re a nice guy, but I’m just not feeling it. Wishing you the best!”