TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FREE DIRTY ‘TINIS

Lately, I’ve been a “yes” girl, for better or for worse. In this story, it will become evident that I have not been practicing social distancing seriously, which I realize is not very responsible of me, but I promise my dry nostrils get regularly swabbed. Anyways, the other weekend, my friends and I were at my friend’s boyfriend’s friend’s rooftop party for a beautiful day of shenanigans. This was my first instance since being back in Denver where I was in an environment that was not overflowed with 18-22 yr old guys living off their daddy’s credit card. Well, maybe some of them still were, but that is besides the point.  It was refreshing to converse with the guys there, since they were asking me legitimate questions and I was not in a slimy and sweaty college bar looking for my next sexual conquest, as horrible as that sounds. I simply enjoyed getting to know new people, and it was reassuring for me to see that I was capable of handling myself around more ~mature~ men without the mutual underlying motivations of wanting to sleep together. Some would even call this networking. Only some. 

From across the kitchen, my friend Kate* and I spotted 3 guys whom we had never seen before. One of them was TOO muscular and was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, so naturally he became “HS”; one had a sling on his arm, so he was “IM” for being an injured man; and lastly there was “DV,” since this emblematic white-privileged Denver guy was clad in a Deer Valley quarter-zip.  Clearly, Kate and I still have qualities of seventh grade girls making code words, but whatever, it keeps it entertaining. Kate had an instant affinity towards DV and DV spotted us across the room, and made his way over. I should also note that the lights were on, so it was a good sign that he found us appealing when he could see our true, tainted by the day of drinking-selves. 

Immediately, DV asked how old we were, and was baffled when we said 22. Like seriously baffled. His 29th birthday was the next day. However, after what seemed like an hour of group convo, it became evident that for being 29, he was just as immature as some of the guys I thought I left in college. Kate and him were hitting it off and yes, we found him remarkably entertaining, and boy did he know it. It is hard to have an equally balanced conversation  with someone that has seven years more worth of stories to tell, and DV certainly relished in the fact that we were cackling after 99% of what he said. He asked me if I was into any of his friends. I wasn’t. Before I could input a word, DV had put me, Kate, and some random friend of his in a group chat and made a reservation for the coming Thursday at one of the best restaurants in Denver!! Yes, I was going on a double-blind date, and yes, I was swooned by the fact that this guy was capable of making plans. 

It never hurts to date a guy with more years in the workforce than you, since that means they have been getting paid for a while, and that they will pay for your one-too many dirty martinis. Superficial and borderline sugar-baby of me to say? Probably, but we can’t deny the reality that this is a turn-on. 

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