When do I need to stop fooling myself by saying I don’t need someone that gives me loads of attention??
Let me give you a backstory: So for about a month and a half, I have been seeing the same guy. Yes, you read that right. Same guy. At this point, we have probably seen each other ten times. He is a few years older than me, career driven, funny, intelligent, entertaining, cute blah blah blah. However, he is a shitty ass communicator. The past 6 weeks or so, we only really text when it is to make plans. Initially, I really liked this because we weren’t texting just to text, and it makes our time together that much more valuable. It seemed very mature, and it felt refreshing that I was not anxiety-ridden from a lack of communication. In fact, when we are together, he never looks at his phone. Ever. Not once. You see, I don’t know how to feel about this. On one hand, I love how he gives me his undivided attention; we have great conversations (he is very chatty so a lot of them are one-sided). However, on the other hand, it makes me feel guilty whenever I want to check mine. Like can he just look at his phone sometime so I can succumb to the TikTok-loving youth that I am??
He has told me he isn’t big into social media, or his phone. From spending time with him and looking at his horrendously obsolete and unused instagram page, I can attest to this, and I do know that he sometimes works 12 hour days. Despite this, I have a hard time believing he doesn’t have enough time in the day to respond to a text. If I send a text at 2pm, he likely won’t respond until that night at 10 when I am asleep like a sweet cherub. He will text me at obscure times of the week about the most random things. THANK GOD he passed the “happy birthday” text test last week – that would have been a deal breaker. Do I just have a skewed sense of availability, considering all of my friends, family members, and past guys always responded so quickly? Is it actually a indication of his negative interest in me if he simply has a different relationship with his phone that what I am used to? He seems very into me when we are together. In fact, he publicly referred to me as his “girlfriend” like 7 dates in (I pretended not to hear), but the problem is that considering we don’t spend a ton of time together (the majority of which is the classic “Netflix and Chill” ), how am I able to raise my communication frustration? We don’t have a title, so presumably that implies that I can’t get upset when he doesn’t meet the expectations in my head.
At the beginning, I genuinely did not have nay expectations, and was taking things day by day. Hard to believe, I know. Recently, as we have spent more time together, I think I am beginning to develop DARE I SAY IT feelings. I would be baffled if he was talking to anyone else (he doesn’t exude those vibes), so I do think there could be potential for us. I am irritated with myself because I was ephemerally a “chill” girl about this, and put little mental energy into him. Now, as I become ever so slightly more invested in him, I am realizing I do need someone that will give me more attention. Will he be the one to give it to me? TBD. A friend of mine told me a real mature girl would ask the notoriously dreaded “what are we” question. Frankly, I don’t even know what I want, so why would I be looking for an answer in him?