Digging my Own Grave

Evidently, things with me and ghosted-after-the-tenth-date-guy didn’t work out. Safe to say, I am irritated and disappointed. No, I am not sad or upset, because I never allowed myself to get too invested in him, but it just baffles me how a guy (25 years old) would do a fuckboi ghost after TEN DATES. Like he seemed into it enough to hold on for that long!! WTF! Anyways, after taking a step back, making the classic ‘pro-con’ list (and realizing he had more cons than pros), I realized how I set this one up for failure by pretending to be someone I am not. 

I am not a chill girl. I could probably count on less than five fingers the number of times someone has ever referred to me as “chill.” Funny? Yes. Sweet? Sure. A good time? Yes. But NEVER chill. Those who know me know I am not a “go with the flow” type of gal. I am a planner, think too far into the future, take initiative to meet my dating/social/life goals, and am a very active communicator and listener. I like attention, am on my phone way too much. So, given that, why would I play a “chill” girl whom: let him take the lead on texting me first most times, be ‘okay’ with sparse communication, and take things day by day. It definitely worked in the beginning; I was proud of myself for not being too invested, taking things slower (for me), and for ‘playing it cool’, for that is what is publicized to work for the long haul. It just isn’t me. I should have set a precedent sooner in our “situation \-ship” that I was going to require more attention. It is hard to be laid back l in the beginning, and then SUDDENLY, after date 6 start being like um HELLOOOO listen to me I am HERE!!! I can’t imagine that would have worked in my favor. That is why, I was a complacent lil betch and basically created the path for myself to become his casual f-buddy. 

I did learn from this experience. I learnt:

⁃I need someone that texts me moe than 2x a week LOL this is so pathetic as I type it out

⁃I need someone that remembers things I tell him  about my friends and family 

⁃I would prefer someone that has more #meat on him and doesn’t make me feel like I am cuddling a bag of bones

⁃I would prefer someone that lasts longer than 2 seconds RIP

He really was a good guy in many aspects. However, not a single pro outweighs the con of feeling ~unwanted~. Emo but true. On the bright side, now I can move on to someone that will actually drink and be ridiculous with me!!!

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