I’m sure you have been feeling neglecting from my content over the past 4 months or so. I know, I’ve been depriving you. My lack of blogging does not stem from taking myself out of the dating scene – far from it actually. I was just lacking the inspiration to write. I was bored.
Basically, prior to writing my last post (ages ago, where I discussed things not working out with a guy after about 10 hangouts and not setting higher standards for myself, I already went on a date with someone new. Another guy with a one syllable J name – let’s call him Jay.
Jay and I had our first date at a brewery in early December. When he met me at my house to walk to the brewery I asked how he was doing and he said ‘better now.’ Straight out of a cheesy romcom, but whatever. He was very sweet and cute. Not a ton of humor, but I agreed to a second date. I was on the fence about cancelling considering our first date wasn’t fabulous, it was freezing out, and I was still ungodly hungover. But, I allowed him to come over to me (no chance in her I was going outside on that bitter day) and he brought over Chinese takeout – very sweet of him. After scarfing down my spicy chicken and watching as he ate at the speed of a snail, we watched Schitt’s creek on living room couch. All sitting side by side and no kiss.
Third date, we made pizza and he brought over wine. It was a great night and when I realized he was so easy to talk to and seemed very stable. Somehow, we began talking about our previous relationships and it seemed weirdly normal. We had a good kissing sesh which could have easily progressed. Now your probably thinking, ‘wow! Third date and no #action??’ And my answer to that is “I KNOW, LOOK AT ME!!! #pure.” Well fourth date rolls around, we have a great hookup and then I go home for winter holidays for two weeks and we texted sporadically.
Over those two weeks, I was looking forward to seeing him when I returned back to my life in Denver, but I was never that excited to hear from him. His texting came across a bit too formal and our humors weren’t on par with one another.
Anyways, for the following month or so, we would go skiing together about once every two weekends, and hang out about once or maybe twice a week. Anyone that knows me knows I am on my phone all the time, so it was weird that I didn’t feel the urge to communicate with him . Absolutely nothing was wrong with him, I just didnt text him whenever anything remotely interesting came to mind as I would with my good friends and past guys I liked. Two months into our ‘situation’ and I caught myself becoming more and ore avoidant for no reason (for those wondering, my attatchment style is 2/3 secure and a third anxious). On valentine day he brought me flowers and took me to a nice dinner, so I showed extra interest in him, but our conversation were still lacking real banter and content. It still seemed like I was being interviewed at times. Seemingly, this is why I made little effort for following hangouts. Yes, I am working 8-6 and have my friends and personal time to schedule, but there is ALWAYS time for the people you want to see. I guess I never really WANTed to see him.
We went on a weekend trip together, which we had planned before I began noticing all the little things I didn’t like about him and that rubbed me the wrong way. At the time of the trip, I didnt want to go, but I had already paid for it. The best part about him was I new we would have good sex, but I just couldn’t get myself to open up to him and I frankly did not find him very entertaining. He is too even keeled and doesn’t arouse my interest. I hate it because he is the sweetest and most thoughtful guy ever; however, no one deserves to be treated with the lack of prioritization in which I was treating him. When friends and family would ask about Jay, I would say something along that lines of ‘he’s good.’ The end.
After our trip, I grew really distant. He felt it and asked me about it. I nicely told him we didnt have a natural emotional/personality connection and that we should stop seeing each other. He told me he would ‘change his texting style for me to resemble how he texted his friends’. And give me ‘silly jay’ (um okay..?) This was a turn off in itself. Like:
- Why would he text me differently than other people
- I don’t want anyone to change for me
In summation, absolutely nothing was wrong with Jay. In fact, I could probably be with him for 10 years and never have an issue with him. However, I want to be more happy and enthusiastic around the person that I am with. It wasn’t fair of me to string him along and just communicate with him on my schedule. I have absolutely no hard feelings for him and did appreciate many aspects of him.
Our time over the course of 3ish months taught me that yes, it is good to take thing slow. But – I shouldn’t WANT to take things slow. I realize that I was being so hesitant on progressing our relationship because I just knew we didn’t ‘click’ but also there was nothing glaringly wrong with him to end things.
Then I decided, I am 23. Weather is getting warmer. Covid is on the declination. Lonely and cold winter nights are a thing of the past.
I am going to have a fun spring and summer I can feel it. Full of excitement. Excitement and stability. Woohoo! Hopefully I will be more ‘inspired’ with content.
Jay was too even keeled to have things interesting enough to write about. Not saying I want a psycho but I want someone who makes me laugh and someone I WANT to text and answer FaceTime calls from; not someone I feel like I HAVE to talk to.