How many sexual ‘passes’ can you give?

The other night I went on my third date with a guy.

You know the saying: “first date, second date, third date – fuck.’ Well, I definitely followed that protocol, Actually, nvm. It was hardly a fuck. In fact, he lasted a solid ten seconds. Yes you heard that right. Ten. The best part is, he didn’t even acknowledge that he finished. In fact, he pretended that he didn’t and kept going (which inevitably didn’t last long before he became physically impotent). As if I wouldn’t notice he finished, considering there is a CLEAR indication when guys finish). 

I understand that the first time for guys with a new girl is frequently a short endeavor. However, I found it strange that he didn’t want to try again after he had time to ‘recharge,’ but whatever, I couldn’t portray myself as a fiend after only three dates. Since I do like this boy, for he is funny, sweet, and cute, I decided that I would not write him off after this time. It could be a one-off mishap right? 

After this instance, I went on a planned trip home for the week. I thought that this timing was great. For starters, it would test whether or not he would keep talking to me and trying to get to know me when I wasn’t easily accessible. Next, in the event that we saw each other again, it would give him plenty of time to get him self off many many times in preparation for our next hangout and pending hookup. I cannot imagine a better scenario for him – a free week pass to train himself so he would be able to last longer than the time it takes me to curl my eyelashes.

Well, you guessed it, when I saw him upon my arrival back to Denver, he lasted a solid ten seconds. And this time – we never even got to sex!! Yeah. I was not overtly disappointed; however, it was apparent that I was very well in tune with the fact that he seems to have an issue and that it put a damper on my sexual drive. I was very surprised that he did not try to initiate it later in the night or even in the morning – my hunch is that he is embarrassed and paranoid of it happening again. Rightfully so. It certainly was not a pleasurable experience for me by any means, but at least I could sense that the sexual chemistry had potential. 

So now my predicament is: how should I proceed? I do like him and enjoy his company, but I also enjoy good sex and good sex is hard to enjoy when it can hardly even be considered sex. More of an in and an out. Should I hang out with him and not have sex at all? Should I see if it happens again? Do I ghost him? 

I feel superficial ending things (also I say ‘things’ as if we haven’t seen each other a solid 4x) for reasons which are purely sexual and for something that he must be super self conscious about. Should we develop our emotional connection first? Should I say something about it? Should I ask him what he is looking for? If he is just looking for a hookup than this is an instant NOO from me dog!!

Update: So I drafted the first part of this post a few weeks ago. I since decided to proceed with a rendition of the classic, “it’s not me, it’s you” (in my defense, his sexual performance was not the entire reason I ended things). He replied by saying ‘No worries, I totally get it.’ Seems like this seems to be a recurring theme.. poor guy. 

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