In college, 90% of my hookups were when I was drunk. Not something I’m proud of, but hey it was the cliché college hookup culture and I was fully immersed. Most of the guys I went home with were after 5 too many vodka sodas out of a clear solo cup and rarely did I ever hear from any again. That said, I regretted most.
Since beginning my dating endeavors, I have in fact fallen victim to the same thing – *drinks too much, becomes needy, doesn’t think about my future self, hops into bed with a near stranger and then beats myself up for adding another number to my body count list all for a guy that doesn’t acknowledge my existence*
Well, sober me (and by sober I mean only 3 drinks in), watches out for my future self and is level-headed enough to stop things before they escalate to a point of no return.
Last night, I was on my second date with this guy. I was sober enough to know that yeah, he was cute and sweet and we had some good laughs, but he did not deserve my full body. Not at all. I needed to get to know him better if I were to have sex with him.
Of course, we still went to his apartment after our margaritas and tacos, turned on a classic crime movie, and curled up on the couch. Before I continue, can we discuss how it is so freaking weird yet so normalized to CUDDLE, like an intimate activity that you do with LOVED ones with someone you hardly know? Like wtf it is weird conceptually yet here I am holding this man like he’s my baby. Okay, back to the juice.
We started kissing and not even far into it, he goes ‘lets go into my room. Presumptious yet unsurprising. I said to stay in the living room which we did for a good two more min.
Things were definitely escalating, and in my head I was thinking to myself ‘____, this boy seems to have some fuckboi tendencies (I saw he had the Tinder app on his phone and did I mention the navy sheets?) ‘. Therefore, I said ‘I want to have sex with you but I am not going to. I am being good now. ’ The way I verbalized it certainly made it seem like ‘sorry not gonna be a ho anymore and I’m going to put on my chastity ring, but I am so glad I did. Luckily, he was very understanding and wasn’t pressuring me at all. However, I think we all know how awkward it can be when a hookup just stops before sex. Like what is this, highschool? I told him that I didnt want to get ghosted after sleeping with him and that I dont like experiencing that. Considering I haven’t heard from him today, I am sure happy I didnt sleep with him. Could signify that that is literally all he wanted, even though his Bumble profile said looking for a ‘relationship’. Convince they all say that for the sake of luring girls in…
Regardless, I am glad I was ‘with-it’ enough to be conscientious of the fact that ’’next-morning’ me gets expectations in my head which are rarely met. If I were slightly more drunk, there is a very certain chance that I would have slept with him.
In that scenario, I would be living the same post-sex-with-a-rando-blues that I am all too familiar with. Instead, I am reflecting on myself and am proud that I can listen to my intuition and do what is right for me. Going forward, I will do my very best to not be blacked out when im in a situation in which a new number on the count could be involved.