We are meeting people online, so naturally, we must begin with CAT-FISHING 101

Cat-fishing. You were probably first introduced to this concept when there was that whole reality MTV show centered around it; however, that was extreme. Given the plethora of information on the Internet and the ease of FaceTiming these days, I would genuinely be SHOOK  if any of you were ignorant to believe you were in love with someone from the depths of the inter-web. Use your investigative skills my friends, even before the first date. On dating apps, it is almost too easy to be catfished, which is why we need a lesson on how to spot one. Here are common types of catfishes and tendencies we need to look out for, and naturally, be skeptical of:

  1. Any job title that just is not a thing. For instance, when a guy says he is an “Investor at Self Employed” this is synonymous to being an unemployed guy who puts the minimum requirement of money into RobinHood stocks and hopes the company chooses to shell out dividends this quarter. It shouldn’t have to take a finance minor to tell you that.    
  2. All of his pictures are of him sitting down or standing alone next to zero objects. This is likely because he does not measure up to the height he claims to be – the most frequent lie on dating apps.  His cover would so clearly be blown if he were standing next to his 6’2” friend that looked like he could be his coach on a JV basketball team, where the guy would probably be benched anyways for maybe being the 3rd string point guard. My friend recently went on a date where the guy claimed to be 5’9.” When she got there, they were at eye-level with one another. She’s 5’2”. Maybe 5’3.5” with her Puma platforms. Nothing is wrong with being a short guy, you just have to own what you are. Clearly, as a petite female, I have not experienced male height discrimination. However, if I were a guy, I would want a girl to want to go out with me knowing the truth. Sure, there may be less women interested, but at least I would know she isn’t shallow and genuinely wants to know me. Lying about height sets both parties up for failure. Yes, the guy lures more girls into dates, but she is only agreeing to it under false pretenses and will inevitably be disappointed the second she sees you. The only way you would get a second date when dramatically lying about height is if you were to not stand up once. That said, you would literally have to be at the table before her, not stand up to greet her when she arrived, and not drink too many beverages in the hopes that your bladder wouldn’t burst. Then, her standards must be low and you should now be questioning her
  3. The classic “Hat-fish.” If a guy is wearing a hat in every picture, it is certain that he has a receding hairline. Unfortunately, we are at the age where this is becoming more prevalent. There is nothing wrong with this, as 25% of the male populace begins noticing hair-loss hair at a mere 21 years old, but we would like a picture of you where we could gauge the severity of his bare head ourselves. We don’t want to be going to a nice dinner with you where you insist on wearing a dirty Nuggets hat. 
  4. Having only pictures with closed-mouth smiles. This one is always a toss up. Most of the time, it ends up being your usual guy that doesn’t know how to take a photo, but there is always that possibility he could be rocking that Jack-o-Lantern look. 

I only see male’s profiles, but I’m certain there are female catfishes as well. Just look at all the photo editing apps out there today. Makeup can be ridiculously deceiving, as is “body-tuning.” For the love of god, please do not represent yourself falsely, it will only set your future-self up for disappointment. No guy wants to go home with a girl, thinking she looks a certain way, only to wake up next to a girl that he doesn’t recognize without her aggressive contour. 

Let’s do this thing

Sleeping with Friends

As the title suggests, I did something five weeks ago. And then again two weeks later. It should be mentioned that the first occurrence was at my mother’s wedding. I wish you read that wrong, but I am afraid you did not. I brought Dylan* as my plus one, knowing that I did not wantContinue reading “Sleeping with Friends”

Trying to see where you went wrong with Hinge guy after date #3? Just a hunch, but it was prob when you blacked out at dinner and he didn’t know how to handle you yacking all over his shared apartment.

And the saga continues..

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